About pain i fell is it common to you also?

I feel there is black future, in return of good things i do or try to do i get and will get bad name, people arond me wana finish me with my name, all dreams i have or had are almost broken, most painfull is the ability i have is supressed, i cant utilise it for making my future, my religion says " SUICIDE IS COWARD" i respect it, but from heart i dont feel it i think killing urself takes a lion's heart or an absolute broken heart. and i dont have either still, i hope my life to be at 1 end atleast not hanging as it is being now.